Muffin Monday: Bluffin’ with my Muffin?

  Let me edit this with the statement that I do have many male friends and no I don’t think they are all conspiring to get with me.  I just think this happens often enough, not all the time, that it warrants discussion.  Dear male friends: I know many of you find me as alluring as a baby sister who picks her nose.  That is all.Can men and women just be friends?  According to a sociology study recently publicized by Scientific American, the majority answer is: No.  Well no as in they can’t be platonic friends where one person isn’t secretly pining over the other.  Can you guess which gender does this more often?  You might be surprised…or you might not.  I wasn’t.  It’s men.  Story of my life.  I can’t tell you how many friendships, good friendships, I have lost with both men who can’t get past an attraction for me and the associated “friend groups” that are largely male dominated and side with said man.  .”   I can’t tell you how many times I’d need to say “Caraway just be friends?”  It’s been very frustrating for me as someone who always got along much better with men because women were “such bitches At least that was the case in middle school.  I’m finding that 20-something women with drive and career passions to be a much different and more companionable breed these days.  Let me edit this with the statement that I do have many male friends and no I don’t think they are all conspiring to get with me.  I just think this happens often enough, not all the time, that it warrants discussion.  Dear male friends: I know many of you find me as alluring as a baby sister who picks her nose.  That is all.

But don’t let me get dilly dally on this tangent.  Let’s chive back into to the topic at hand.  (Yeah these are caraway, dill and chive muffins btw.  I just don’t have a good segue today so I’m punning as badly as possible to get your food lovin’ attention.)

Men are statistically “more likely” though no numbers are cited, more likely to harbor secret feelings for their female friends.  These feelings range all along the spectrum of just plain ol’ sexual attraction to full on romantic unrequited love.  Some tempered by a realization that nothing will ever happen but a significant number of men in the study believed their female counterparts to be as equally attracted to them—though the study made it evident that this was largely untrue.  Most of the time the female friend is NOT interested, sexually or romantically, in the male counterpart and what’s more, they are often unaware of his affections. 

Most interesting to me was the correlation between the strength of the man’s conviction that his female friend is interested in him (i.e. that she finds him “attractive”) and his own feelings for the gal.  The more he likes her, the more convinced he is she must like him back—duh not so much.  In fact in my experience it’s largely been the opposite.  The more often the guy has developed this elaborate romantic fallacy, the less likely I am to be interested in him but I will say that it usually correlates to a stronger set of platonic feelings on my part.  By which I mean to say usually it’s a guy who I have deep vested, non-romantic/sexual yet very loving feelings for.  Thus I can sympathize and understand how for men, who don’t manage their emotions on the level that women do, this would easily be confused with the kind of feelings that lead to wedding bells.

This is also something I suspect I’ve experienced more often because I’m friends with geeky men.  From my *DISCLAIMER* totally subjective qualitative experience, geeky men seem to fall into this trap of falling for their female friends quite often.  I have a lot of theories about why this happens, namely that as a subculture that exists largely in worlds that utilize our imaginations and storytelling, it can be quite easy to get caught up in a fantasy and not recognize the reality.  I want to write a whole post primer on this for some of my male friends actually.  I often have to watch how I interact with guys now, especially as I get older and men get more driven by their own biological clocks.  YES YOU DO HAVE THEM.  Anyway.  *Ahem* As I was saying, I find myself needing to be more and more careful as the wild oats get sewn and guys start thinking “gee I want to get married after all.” 

A lot of the objections I’m seeing to this article are coming from, shocker, men.  Complains about society having hangups about casual sex and the usual misogynistic bullshit about how all women “bluff with their muffins.”  Yes some women use their sexuality to abuse men but that is NOT ALWAYS THE CASE YOU BITTER CREEPS.  I hate trolls.   I do acknowledge frustration over calling this a “study” due to no actual data and only 88 pairs surveyed.  Look I get that this article is largely a fluff piece based off a very small sample size but to supplement with my own subjective data again: every female I know has been in full agreement.  We find this happens all the time. 

Hell I lost my first male friend over the “boyfriend” designation not applying to him when I was five years old.  Seriously.  I knew two boys, wanted to “date” one of them which translated into him getting to be the Dad when we played house and the other pouted incessantly because I wouldn’t be his girlfriend.  Moving past playground antics to the blossoming of puberty, I lost my only friends in elementary school at one point because one boy decided to tell me after a year that he liked me.  He was actually physically angry when he discovered that I didn’t return his feelings; something which hadn’t entered his mind as a possibility.  He was convinced I liked him too.

I think this is the sort of thing that turns men into Petyr Baelish actually.  Now that I think about it.

Anyway what do you think?  Do you agree with this article?  Can men and women be just friends? 

Let’s mull it over with these delightfully savory muffins I made from Alton Brown’s cookbook.  Nom nom nom I love caraway seeds.  The flavor is just so unique and takes me back to proper east coast delis.  These are tender, firm muffins that can be eaten as a savory sweet with tea or paired with a dinner.  Or you can crack one, toast it, slather it with butter and eat it…along with two more.  Don’t look at me.  Please don’t look at me with those judging eyes…they were just so nice on a cold afternoon.  Seriously though because these are so flavorful and savory they will be amazing even after they’ve gone a few days and staled.  Just toast and serve with a good cheese and butter…that’s assuming of course you manage to make it to the day they get stale.  I wouldn’t know.  Someone called my bluff and all my muffins are gone L

Alton Brown’s Herb Loaf (Muffins)

From “I’m just here for the food: Baking” Alton Brown

• 2 cups All Purpose Flour
• 2 cups Whole Wheat Flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 2 tsp salt
• ¼ cup chives, fresh, chopped
• ¼ cup dill, fresh, chopped
• 2 tsp caraway seeds
• 7 ½ oz sugar
• 1 cup olive oil
• 4 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks
• 1 ¼ cups buttermilk

Getting ready: Prep your muffin tin and preheat the oven to 350F

In a large bowl mix together the flours, baking powder, and salt.  Set aside once well sifted.

In a second bowl whisk together your sugar, olive oil, eggs, yolks and buttermilk. 

Pour the wet stuff over the dry stuff and mix just until all the flour has been incorporated.  Sprinkle in the fresh herbs and gently fold.

Pour the batter into your muffin tin (I made texas sized jumbo muffins but this should make a standard 12) and bake at 350 for approximately 30 minutes or until they pass the toothpick test.